On Healing before Wayfaring

I know this has become a cliché, but I see it so much that I have to say this:

• Do not take a Shaykh (spiritual guide) for validation or to compensate for a lacking sense of self-worth
• Do not take a Shaykh for fatherly approval or to make-up for childhood relational distortions with your parents/caregivers
• Do not take a Shaykh who can continue the overriding of your sense of agency and self-determination as an adult

Please.

Most Shaykhs will not be able to heal our deep wounds or cultivate a healthy sense of self necessary for our growth, and in many cases only aggravate the problem in the long-term, leaving the individual mired in their old wounds and compounded with new ones.

What's the solution?

Do your healing work first:

1. Process your trauma and grief
2. Reconnect & fortify the embodied connection to your heart
3. Hone the perception of your relationships to self and other
4. Reclaim your innate God-given agency
5. Become a healthy human being at all levels including nutrition, exercise, and sleep/self-care in a way conducive to 'afiya (comprehensive well-being)
6. Development a deep and genuine personal connection to Allah and the Beloved ﷺ through dhikr (remembrance), salawat, and meditative tafakur (reflection)

Through this process you will grow SO much and learn how to safely navigate the world, as well as- if you are inclined- the spiritual worlds with a real guide in a healthy and wholesome way.

Taking a guide without first doing the prerequisite (not making an absolute statement here or trying to innovate, just sharing my perspective from my experience in this work) healing work leaves much unfinished, opening up the susceptibilities for abuse and/or collapse, forcing a building on a shaky foundation that naturally and inevitably crumbles.

Please reflect on these words. And God knows best.